Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
