DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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