it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
