Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
