Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
