The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
