I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
