I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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