Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
