What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
