my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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