I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
