Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
