If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
