Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
