Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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