i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
