just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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