had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
