Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
