gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
