Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize