Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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