margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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