those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
