I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
