It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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