youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
