On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
