OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
