Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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