Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
