Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
