We're like a lot better than the average bears
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
