I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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