Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
