Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
