The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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