Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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