My friends, they love my intelligence
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The Olympian is in my bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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