went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize