I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
