Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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