pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
