I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
