Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
