Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize