How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
