i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I didn't notice because vodka
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
