Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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