Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
