sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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