You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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