At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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