Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
