btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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