The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
