I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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