Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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