I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
