one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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