Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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