I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize