i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You made out with two different species that night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
