I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
