Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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