Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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