I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
