Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
