I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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