He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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