i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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