If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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