So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
