she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize