Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
