They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
