Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
