I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
