so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
