is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
