I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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