my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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