When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
