as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize