wakey wakey hands off snakey
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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